Fourth Of July Crumbs

July 4, 2014 / Posted by:

NOOOOOOOO! This is the worst Fourth of July ever. My wiener-swallowing idol Sonya “The Black Widow” Thomas lost her title as the Queen of the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest when she was beat in the women’s match by Miki Sudo who gobbled down 34 dogs to her 27 3/4 dogs. I was kind of expecting the speed blow job giver of Britain to enter at the last minute and show all of them how to inhale dozens of soggy dogs in seconds. And on the men’s side, Joey Chestnut won for the eight hundredth time, because his bowls are not human   – Gothamist

Mya isn’t Jay-Z’s kept side piece and Beyonce is still letting everyone know she has the perfect, most wonderful-est family in the world – Lainey Gossip

If Joan Rivers really wanted to tell a joke that would make Ann Coulter cackle while furiously jacking her own dick off, she succeeded! – Towleroad

Cosmo used the “lipo” Photoshop tool on Iggy Azalea’s triple-stuffed ass – Celebitchy

I don’t think Michelle Rodriguez and pretty pretty princess Zac Efron are anything but friends, because if they were something more, he’d be rolling around in a wheelchair. You know Michelle Rodriguez would tear that delicate ass up with a strap-on – The Superficial

MiserAlba is in GQ doing an impersonation of someone watching one of her movies – Popoholic

Kate Upton giving you Boca Raton nana – Holllywood Tuna

Usually Burger King brings people to tears by serving up some diarrhea-inducing shit that will make you weep while spending hours on the toilet, but this time they brought people to tears for a different reason – OMG Blog

Lea Michele isn’t knocked up, she just got hacked. Like Lea would ever give out that information for free and not on the cover of Life & Style. We all know her too well – Wonderwall

Rob Kardashian doesn’t have a secret son, but judging by his belly, he might have a secret set of triples coming very soon – Buzzfeed

Austria’s national flower won an award – The Blemish

Either the escort game in Britain is like no other or someone’s missing a $10,000 Givenchy bag – Celebslam

Pic: AP

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