Tori Spelling And The Deaner Got Another Fake Reality Show

Well well well, what do we have here? If it isn’t The Deaner redefining raw sexuality YET AGAIN. Happy Belated Canada Day to me! Seeing The Deaner’s booze-bloated beer locker busting out of a pair of Carhart overalls makes me wanna put my hand over my heart and sing. Oh Canadaaaa….our home of beady-eyed traaaaash….

Tori Spelling, the poor little bleached camel with the heart of hardened silicone has decided to follow up her reality show about arguing with her loser bangaholic husband in therapy with a reality show about arguing with her loser bangaholic husband at a cottage. Damn Tori, SLOW DOWN! Bitch must think she’s filming the desperate fame whore version of The Amazing Race.

Radar says Tori & Dean: Cabin Fever was filmed last summer up in Ontario and will air on the Great American Country channel. So if you really want to see 13 episodes of Admiral Ackbar screeching at The Deaner to quit jerking it in the boathouse and start painting the Muskoka chairs, then call up your local cable provider and ask them to suspend your service, because you need to check into an insane asylum and don’t know when you’ll be let out.

Since the show takes place in Canada, the producers thought it would be fun to let The Deaner write the press release for it. BIG MISTAKE:

“Hey jabronis, you missed me? Here’s what’s crappenin’ with the ol’ Deaner – I got a job! And like a job-job, not a blow job or a hand job or that thing the chicks in the Valley are doing called a knee job. The Deaner realized that if he wanted to keep scoring primo tail he needs to be on television, so I got the wife to piece together some old footage of me bumming around up north at the cottage and sell it as a reality show. But don’t worry, they edited out the part where I gave that chick from the marina crabs. The Deaner don’t wanna cock block The Deaner, you know what I mean??”