Twitter exploded into a thousand “What’s next? Miley Cyrus playing Adina Howard in a Lifetime biopic?” jokes when two weeks ago Lifetime announced that 17-year-old Disney star Zendaya was going to play Aaliyah in a Lifetime biopic called Aaliyah: Princess of R&B. Some of Aaliyah’s fans farted out some shit about how Zendaya isn’t “black enough” and her dad said that she’d “black it up” for the role by getting a tan. On top of all that shit, Aaliyah’s family was pissed that Lifetime never asked them for permission and they think that Aaliyah’s story shouldn’t be told in some dried turd of a basic cable movie. Before filming even started, Lifetime’s Aaliyah movie was turning into a major shitty mess and now it’s a major shitty mess that doesn’t star Zendaya, because she dropped out.
Zendaya’s spokeswhore tells the NYDN that she’s no longer involved and her rep didn’t exactly say why. But E! News says that Zendaya might’ve dropped out because the producers are having trouble getting the rights to Aaliyah’s music. Aaliyah’s family would never let Lifetime use Aaliyah’s voice, so the plan was for Zendaya to sing all the songs herself, but that can’t happen if they don’t have the rights. Some source spit this out:
“Aaliyah has always been an inspiration to Zendaya. She was honored to portray her and pay tribute to her. If she is going to do it, she wants to do it right.”
Lifetime is putting that mess of a biopic on hold until they get their shit together (SPOILER ALERT: It’ll never happen, because they’ll never get their shit together). My thoughts are with the pus-filled oozing urethra pimple that Lifetime hired to play R. Kelly. It’s going to be devastated to learn that it won’t be making its basic cable debut anytime soon.
Yes, Zendaya dodged a shit bullet, but she should’ve never been cast in the first place. She looks too young to play Aaliyah. If Lifetime was making a biopic about the life of the baby laughing in Aaliyah’s song “Are You Somebody?”, then Zendaya would’ve nailed it since she looks like she came out of her mother’s vagine about 5 minutes ago.
And every time I read a headline about Zendaya starring in the Aaliyah biopic for Lifetime, I read her name as “Sanjaya” and for a brief second my nipples got moist thinking about Sanjaya dancing in a crop top and capris on top of a boat.
Here’s Zendaya at the Pre-BET Awards dinner in L.A. last night.