I always thought Wookiees were terrified of water, but Khloe Kardashian proved me wrong by renting out a party boat and celebrating her 30th birthday party cruising around the Hudson River in New York. All of Lucifer’s best hoes were in attendance: Pimp Mama Kris, the slow one, the other slow one, the slow one who can’t read. But the Botoxed belle of the ball was the always elegant and demure narcoleptic porn star and Playboy model Kim Kardashian.
Earlier in the day, Kim was seen sashaying around town looking like a busted $2 dildo, but she knew that simply stuffing her XXXL rubber ass into an XXS tube dress wouldn’t be enough to steal the spotlight from Khloezilla. So she changed into a tacky little number from the Fredrick’s of Hollywood “Budget Brothel Madam” collection and made an eye-catching entrance with her over-inflated saline water balloons hanging out. Truly a dignified woman of refined taste and class.
Kim wouldn’t be Kim unless she was fucking something up (or just “fucking something”, really). Everyone was responsible for bringing an item to the party, and Kim’s job was to bring enough floatation devices in the event God heard our prayers and capsized the boat. Of course, Kim forgot she had to do anything but show up looking like a vacant piece of wax fruit, so her doctor only injected her with enough expandable foam to keep her buoyant in the event of an emergency. Thankfully, the birthday girl brought enough floatation devices for the whole family:
Here’s more of Kim looking like a slutty peacock (“Pee cock? Where?!? Mom, get the camera and a release form!” – Kim) and the rest of Pimp Mama Kris’s krotch ghouls arriving at Khloezilla’s 30th birthday party on Friday night, including some very touching pictures of Khloe and her current Shrek-looking famewhore piece French Montana. You know, for a mouth-breather who always looks like they’re two seconds away from barfing, Kim seemed very comfortable getting on that boat; probably because, just like boats, she also knows what it’s like to be filled with seamen.