The Snow White And The Huntsman Sequel Will Have Less Snow White

June 27, 2014 / Posted by:


Bad news for those of you hoping to take in a second serving of Kristen Stewart’s emotionally raw and multi-layer take on Snow White in the sequel to Snow White and the Huntsman. You’ll have to watch her other movies to see her stare at the other actors like a stoned, brain-dead baby deer caught in the headlights and listen to her quietly heavy breathe like she’s giving birth in a library. Because she’ll hardly be in the sequel, if she’s in it at all. If Snow White is in the sequel to Slow White and the Cuntsmen, it’ll only be a cameo appearance and I’m taking that to mean that while the Huntsman is walking through the forest he’ll catch her getting her crotch apple eaten by one of the dwarves in the back of a wagon.

Nobody needs a sequel to SWATH, but since the first one made almost $400 million worldwide and whores (including this whore) will pay good money to see Chris Hemsworth’s gigantic arms swing shit around, Universal is putting out a second movie that will come out sometime in 2016. The second movie will be all about the Huntsman. Charlize Theron will probably be back as the Evil Queen. KStew’s Mini Cooper munch partner, Rupert Sanders, is out and director Frank Darabont, who created The Walking Dead and directed The Shawshank Redemption, is in.

I wonder if ~romance~ between the leading ho and the director will strike again and Chris and Frank will get really, really close during filming. Then after the movie comes out, a pap will catch Frank slurping on Chris Hemsworth’s butt box while they’re both crammed into a parked Mini Cooper. They have to do it. It’s tradition now!

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