Kate Gosselin HAS To Pimp Out Her Child Army On TV, Says Kate Gosselin

June 21, 2014 / Posted by:

Because Kate Gosselin is such a wonderful, caring, loving mother, she only ever has the best interests of her 8 children in mind. Like her most recent decision to pimp them out in a 2-hour special on TLC, even though it’s very clear they would rather eat sandwiches made from Jon Gosselin’s hair plugs and unemployment checks for a month than have cameras following them around.

The Pennsylvania Pimp Mama Kris told E! News that she knows that it looks like she’s pushing her 8 little money makers onto the ho stroll because she’s a desperate fame whore with desperate fame whore blood running through her Botoxed veins, but she’s actually doing it because she’s a poor single mom who’s just trying to feed her litter:

“Hear me very clearly: If there was another way to singly support eight children, you would not know this name and I would be on an island, and so would they. You would never hear from us again.”

Allow me to translate that from Famewhore-ese to English:

“Hear me very clearly: If there is another way to pimp out my eight children on television, please tell me, because the money I’ll make off this 2-hour TLC special will only pay for 3 weeks of Botox injections and half a pack of polyester My Little Pony hair. I’d skipper a boat named The Minnow and take them all on a fateful 3-hour tour if it could get me a 22-episode reality show called Gosselin’s Island. When do you want to start filming? I can have the kids on a boat in 90 minutes.”

Here’s more of the prototype for Busted Bitch Barbie at GMA on Thursday. Damn, Kate, if your goal is to convince people you’re only pimping out your children and forcing them to DANCE, MONKEYS, DANCE on television so you can afford frozen Costco lasagnas and shit, at least try not to look so much like a thirsty Atlantic City dayshift hooker sniffing around for someone who will treat her to a Juicy Couture closeout sale.

Pics: Splash

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