I Hope Netflix Knows A Good Place To Buy Vodka In Bulk

June 19, 2014 / Posted by:

Deadline says that after months of negotiations (ie. seeing if their insurance covers damage sustained by a wine-drunk come-to-life Jack Link), Netflix has confirmed that they signed a deal with Chelsea Handler for a late-night talk show. The ink on the divorce papers between Chelsea Handler and E! will officially be dry on August 26, but Netflix says we’ll have to wait till early 2016 for Chelsea’s return to television. Oh no! That’s more than a year away! Thankfully I’ve got Barb, the sun-damaged chatty alcoholic MILF who runs the convenience store down the street from my house, who will tide me over in the meantime.

Not much else is known about Chelsea’s new talk show except that it’s on Netflix, which means you can watch it anytime you want and pause it to take bathroom breaks or switch back to episodes of 90210 if shit gets boring, but Chelsea did explain why she chose to Netflix as her new comfortable spot to lay down when she gets a strong case of the booze spins:

“If I was going to continue working in this industry, I knew I had to do something outside the box to keep myself interested…I wanted to sit with the cool kids at lunch so I approached Netflix to make sure they were as cool as I thought they were, and when I confirmed my suspicions, like with any other future lover, I made my move.”

Netflix then added: “…and now we all need several aggressive rounds of penicillin and treatment for second-hand cirrhosis of the liver.”

Chelsea Handler doing a talk-show on Netflix makes so much sense. Filming a new show every night must have been exhausting, since she spends 22 hours a day drunker than a Lohan (during her mid-afternoon 2-hour blackout, her blood alcohol level dips juuuust slightly below 0.08, which means she’s technically sober). Now she can film a whole season’s worth of episodes in a single afternoon, and spend the rest of her time trying to steal pruno from the set of Orange Is The New Black.

Pic: Wenn

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