There’s a theater producer in London who thinks that Lindsay Lohan, LINDSAY LOHAN, can memorize lines (I said “memorize” not “snort“) from a David Mamet play and show up on time for 8 performances a week including matinees which happen before her usual risin’ time of 4pm. This must be a serious insurance scam ala The Producers, because Lindsay Lohan doing live theater has all the makings of a train wreck and the only people who will pay to see that are people who love it when a play starts 4 hours late and people who really want to see her read lines written on the props because she didn’t memorize shit.
Since most of Hollywood cares about their nerves too much to deal with LiLo, she took her ass to London to troll for new work and her trolling paid off. LiLo sat front row at Jeremy Scott’s Moschino show in London yesterday and she told The New York Times that she’s in London to play Karen in a West End revival of David Mamet’s Speed-The-Plow. Madonna played Karen in the first production of Speed-The-Plow on Broadway in 1988 and Jeremy Piven’s douche ass left a Broadway production of it in 2008 when he ate too much sushi. And now LiLo’s going to be in it:
Ms. Lohan said that she has been in London for several months, preparing for a potential appearance in David Mamet’s “Speed-the-Plow” in the West End in November. “It’s the first time I’ve done a stage play or anything like that,” she said. “I’m nervous but I’m excited.”
None of that makes sense. Are we sure LiLo heard, right? Are we sure she heard someone actually ask her if she wants to be in Speed-the-Plow? Maybe she heard wrong and she was really asked, “Hey, do you want to get plowed for some speed?” If this is true, this is going to the mess of all messes and they should put the understudy’s name above LiLo’s on the marquee since she’s going to perform more.
And here’s more of LiLo at the Moschino men’s show trying to bring back a dingle stuck to the asshole of the 90s. I’m talking about the dreaded tattoo choker.