Bonnaroo, the moonshine-drinkin’ country cousin of Coachella, is happening this weekend on a farm in Tennessee, and Satan’s highest-earning hooker with facial narcolepsy (it’s a niche market, but money is money) decided to join her current husband Kanye Kardashian as he performed last night. Sadly, it looks like nobody informed Kim Kardashian that Bonnaroo is a casual music festival, because she arrived a bit over-dressed for the occasion. She probably got confused when Kanye told her where they were going, and she assumed it was a fancy French restaurant, spelled “Bon à Roux”.
Kim flew to Tennessee with Kanye so that she could
watch his performance Instagram pictures of herself looking like a ladylike vision of refined class and good taste. Did you feel the earth move just now? That was Grace Kelly and Audrey Hepburn spinning in their graves like goddamned Black & Decker drills as they marvel at such natural, not-at-all Botoxed to hell and back beauty.
Sadly, the audience behind Kim didn’t get a chance to appreciate her klass and sophistikation; they were too busy wondering where the smell of rancid cosmetics was coming from and checking the bottom of their shoes to see if they’d accidentally stepped in cow shit.
Here’s more of High Klass Kim showing off what $200 will get you from Kris’s Diskount Kall Girls (“Drowsy, dumb, diskreet…call Satan now”) at Bonnaroo. I heard this morning that in honor of Kim’s visit to Tennessee, they’re changing the state flower from an iris to a coco de mer.