Justin Bieber Will Plead Guilty To That Miami Reckless Driving DUI

June 13, 2014 / Posted by:

TMZ says that human snot-filled baby nasal aspirator Justin Bieber (seen here with the toy Scooter Braun bought him as a reward for going a whole night without a pair of Pull-Ups) can stop practicing his best Ally McBeal pout, because he’ll be plea bargaining his Miami DUI case and won’t be going to court.

Last January, Tantrum Toddler was arrested by Miami police for drag racing his Fisher-Price Power Wheels, drinking too many sips from his daddy’s unattended beer, and staying up way too late past his bedtime. Sadly, a sobriety test later proved he wasn’t drunk and it turned out he wasn’t actually drag racing, but he did test positive for weed, so charged him with reckless driving. TMZ originally reported said that Justin and his dirty teen ‘stache planned to turn down a plea deal, because admitting he did something wrong is as foreign concept to Justin as not being a blister-filled asshole. However “sources familiar to the situation” (Scooter Braun floating in a giant pool of cash) say that he will take the deal.

One of the reasons it took Justin so long to accept the plea deal (aside from sounding out all the big words) is that the original conditions were messy. The judge had originally wanted Justin to star in an anti-drug PSA, but his lawyers thought that was redundant, since “Don’t You Put It In Your Mouth” already exists. The judge also wanted Justin to attend a drug and alcohol education course, but again – redundant. Instead, he’ll give them a portion of his allowance and attend an anger management course. I believe the curriculum will include the episode of Caillou where he throws a block at his sister, and and a short essay on why Little Critter was “So Mad”.

Pic: Instagram

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