The Jan Brady of the Kuntrashians (may the spirit of Alice smack me in the mouth with a plastic spoon for comparing those whores to the Bradys) somehow found time in between wearing clothes, walking while wearing clothes and drooling in front of the cameras to jump on Scott Isadick’s unwrapped douche stick and make another future cover of InTouch Weekly. The air in L.A. is filled with the scent of Lucifer’s ball sweat from Pimp Mama Kris exhaling out a huge cloud of relief, because while spooning with her maker Satan one night, he let her know in a threatening tone that she’s way behind on her quota for new blood. Leave it to the family baby maker to save PMK once again.
Some source (aka Bruce Jenner who sold that story because mama needs a new pair of diamond studs) told UsWeekly that Kourtney Kardashian’s fetus is a few months old and her latest pregnancy was planned, which is a nice and polite way of saying that every time she and Scott got into bed together for the night, PMK appeared in a tornado of black smoke and screamed, “Stick it in her raw! Our master demands new blood!”
“She is only a few months along. It was planned. [Kourtney] wants to have a handful of kids.”
Kim’s job was to strengthen ties with the Illuminati by marrying Kanye, Khlozilla’s job is to hunt and catch medium-sized woodland creatures for her family’s nightly sacrifice rituals and Kourtney’s job is to pop out PMK’s future ATMs. I mean, somebody’s gotta birth out the Kourtney, Khloe, Kendull and KySomething to North West’s Kim. I mean, North West is going to need somebody to ignore, make fun of and be ashamed of, because Rob isn’t going to live forever.
And here’s picture of Kourtney, Khloe and Scott terrorizing the Hamptons while shooting Khlozilla and The Slow One Destroy Long Island. And either the fully grown warthog that Khlozilla gobbled up for lunch took a wrong turn while making its way to her stomach and ended up in her ass or there’s a Fix-A-Flat shortage on the East Coast.