And let’s just get it out of the way and blame Jan. It’s Jan’s fault, because absolutely everything is Jan’s fault.
In news that’ll make you want to wrap your mouth hole around a bottle of something that’ll numb your emotions, CNN reports that Emmy award-winning actress Ann B. Davis died this morning. Ann’s friend Bishop William Frey tells CNN that she fell and hit her head in her bathroom this morning. She suffered a subdural hematoma and never woke up. TMZ says that Ann lived with a couple and one of them said she was in pretty good health for being 88, so her death is a major shock to them.
Ann B. Davis (aka the original Jane Lynch) won two Emmys for her role as Schultzy on The Bob Cummings Show. But pretty much every single human on Earth knows her as Alice, the housekeeper who had to put up with that child army of brats on The Brady Brunch. Ann also played Alice in the Brady Bunch TV movies and was even in that shitty The Brady Brides spin-off. Wikipedia says that in the mid-70s, Ann mostly retired from show business and moved to Denver where she got involved in the Episcopal community. She lived in Denver for a while until she moved to Pennsylvania.
Alice wasn’t supposed to go like this. She was supposed to go while surrounded by those Brady brats and she was supposed to shake her head and throw them all a side-eye before going off to heaven.
Rest in peace, Alice. You are now going hot dog crazy at 6am in heaven.