Justin Bieber Farted Out An Apology Statement That He Totally Didn’t Write

Because living menstrual berry Justin Bieber has better things to do like build toddler muscles while lifting foam weights on his Fun & Fitness Weight Bench for kids, his PR team got together on a Sunday without him and wrote out an apology for that video of him burping up the n-word while telling a racist joke when he was 15.  The Biebs’ publicist did a good job, but if they wanted it to remotely sound like it came from the no-brain of Justin “I Am Detrimental To My Own Career” Bieber, they shouldn’t have used words he doesn’t know the definition of. If you ever want to see the empty head of a human Kid Sister doll deflate, just ask Justin Bieber to spell and put “inexcusable” in a sentence.

If they wanted it to be authentic Bieber, they should’ve written it in graffitied emojis and threw in a lot more “YOz.”

As a young man, I didn’t understand the power of certain words and how they can hurt. I thought it was ok to repeat hurtful words and jokes, but didn’t realize at the time that it wasn’t funny and that in fact my actions were continuing the ignorance. Thanks to friends and family I learned from my mistakes and grew up and apologized for those wrongs. Now that these mistakes from the past have become public I need to apologize again to all those I have offended.

I’m very sorry. I take my friendships with people of all cultures very seriously and I apologize for offending or hurting anyone with my childish and inexcusable mistake. I was a kid then and I am a man now who knows my responsibility to the world and to not make that mistake again.

Ignorance has no place in our society and I hope the sharing of my faults can prevent others from making the same mistake in the future. I thought long and hard about what I wanted to say but telling the truth is always what’s right. Five years ago I made a reckless and immature mistake and I’m grateful to those close to me who helped me learn those lessons as a young man. Once again….I’m sorry.

Yes, Justin Bieber is a man now, a man who pisses in janitor buckets for fun, eggs houses and needs his bodyguard/au pair to rock him to calmness when he has a tantrum. And since that SCANDAL!!! is over, we can all go back to more important things like mourning Alice!