Open Post: Hosted By The Reunion Of Shailene Woodley And Her Beloved Toe Shoes

May 31, 2014 / Posted by:

Cue the Peaches & Herb! Shailene Woodley has been reunited with her hideous rubber hoof covers and it feeeeels so goooooood. Now that Shailene is finished her STFU-filled promotional duties as ambassador for that Hunger Games knock-off she was in (Divergent? Detergent? Something like that) she can finally kick off her fancy expensive high heels and slip on a pair of toe-stranglers. It’s time to wrap your toes in the warm, sweaty embrace of vulcanized rubber, Shailene; you deserve it.

The New Agey bundle of dried white sage with the Waffle House name couldn’t have been reunited with her best friends at a better time, because Shailene needs somebody to Shai-lean on. During a press conference for the film Clouds of Sils Maria in Cannes, Chloë Grace Moretz and her bitchy little umlaut maybe sorta threw some shade at Shailene when she described the expectations of a celebrity:

“You have to be the most realistic person, the one that makes your own toothpaste — that’s what it is now.”

She then went on to say she enjoyed the scenes in Clouds of Sils Maria that make fun of the “bad acting” of today’s popular “blockbuster post-apocalyptic we-all-live-in-space movies. And then she slammed her locker and told the rest of the 6th grade girls: “Like, really, a teenage cancer movie? Who are you, Mandy Moore?” 

Whatever. Chloë is clearly jealous she doesn’t have a group of friends as tight as Shailene and her toe shoes (no, literally, the toe area of those shoes are super tight). Here’s more of Shailene in New York wearing those hideous shoes. On a positive note, she’s actually wearing shoes.

Pics: Splash

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