In the bottom level of her luxurious kitty condo, Grumpy Cat is lying on a pile of sniffed-out catnip with a turban on her head and thinking about the glory days (which were, like, 10 days ago) when she was the GREATEST PUSSY STAH OF DEM ALL! Grumpy Cat has been replaced as the world’s favorite pussy by Tara the Hero Cat.
A week ago, Tara, the badass bitch of Bakersfield, clawed her way into the hearts of the world when she went after a dog who mauled a human member of her family. Since then, Tara has been hit with BILLIONS of offers including a cover spread in Cat Fancy and a celebrity kick-boxing match against Basement Baby (I wish). Yesterday, Tara fulfilled one of the BILLIONS of offers her fame whore owners accepted when she tried to throw out the first pitch at a minor league baseball game in her hometown of Bakersfield. To quote my friend when he told me about the first and only time he tried felching: It was a mess and it should never happen again.
Cats can’t throw balls, they just can’t, so they tied the baseball to a retractable string gadget thing and tried to get Tara to paw the thing. If the ball was a dog, Tara would’ve swatted the hell out of that bitch, but it wasn’t, so she wasn’t here for that. After a few sad, pathetic tries, Tara’s human, Roger Triantafilo, gave up and threw the ball for her. Behold, this dreadful shit:
Well, Tara throws better than Brad Pitt, so I’ll give her that.