Molly Ringwald’s Going To Be In The Jem Movie

The Hollywood Reporter reports that the Jem and the Holograms movie is FINALLY getting some real star power. Aubrey Peeples, who plays unknowing beard Layla Grant on Nashville, is Jem and a bunch of other unknowns are the Holograms, so the producers sat around and realized that they need some true bright shining star power to sell this shit. So they pretended it was the 90s again and cast Juliette Lewis! And then they pretended it was the 80s again and cast Molly Ringwald!

It was already reported that the only Scientologist I can stand, Juliette Lewis, is playing an unknown role and yesterday the THR said that Molly Ringwald has joined the cast in an unknown role. Shooting is happening right now in L.A.

Warning: If you weren’t an 80s ho who watched Jem, then the following may be as foreign to you as regular English words are to Kendull Jenner.

Everyone’s speculating that Juliette Lewis is playing Synergy, but sometime Dlisted contributor Lahoma told me that he heard (yes, we’re physically grown adults who gossip about Jem and no, we’re not ashamed) that she’s playing a female version of Jerrica Benton’s rival Eric Raymond. There’s also speculation that Molly Ringwald is playing Countess Danielle Du Voisin. But I think Molly is playing Synergy and I pray to any God who has mercy on my soul that Juliette Lewis is playing Pizzazz. I’m hoping that in the Jem movie, The Misfits are a group of seasoned, bitter bitches who are jealous of Jem’s youth and beauty. About 10 minutes into the movie, they destroy Jem and all of the Holograms and the rest of the movie is about their global takeover. It’s the only way that the Jem movie won’t be a pile of pink shit covered in star-shaped purple glitter.

And again, I am a grown adult who is emotionally invested in a movie about an 80s cartoon.