The Hell Did I Just Watch: Jay-Z And Beyonce’s Messy Trailer For Their Tour

May 18, 2014 / Posted by:

And this is what happens when two walking massive egos don’t have anybody in their lives brave enough to tell them to just stop acting, because it doesn’t do anybody any good.

Jay-Z and Beyonce are going on tour this summer and to promote that shit, they queefed up an almost 4-minute-long trailer called RUN From Basement Baby and it is a ridiculous mess from start to finish. It’s like watching Lifetime’s remake of Bonnie & Clyde barf into the mouth of Spring Breakers while Heat pissed on both of them. It makes Carmen: A Hip Hopera look like an underrated masterpiece that future film historians will call a revolutionary cinematic experience. To show everyone that random celebrities love them and will act in a shitty vanity project for free, Beyonce and Jay-Z threw in cameos from the wart burned off of a hyena’s asshole Sean Penn, a glamorous looking Emmy Rossum, Jake Gyllenhaal, Rashida Jones, Don Cheadle, Blake NotSoLively and other hos.

Watching Beyonce and Blake NotSoLively attempt to act together in a scene brings up a question that can never be answered: Who is the worst actress? It’s like brushing two strokes of paint on the wall and asking, “Which one is giving us the most exciting show?”

And I don’t know why Jay-Z felt like he should narrate that mess. It’s supposed to be some kind of badass, hardcore action movie trailer and Jay-Z sounds like the voice of a toddler character on Rugrats who is all gums, has two teeth and is always suffering from post-nasal drip. Jay-Z’s talking voice is about as hard as a baby bunny’s first burp.

With all that being said, I would’ve loved the shit out of that trailer if at the very end, Basement Baby busted through the floor and drop kicked everyone involved.

Speaking of BB, here’s BB and Beyonce’s latest STUNT QUEEN show on Instagram:


via Everywhere

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