The Moment When The Heat From All The Lights Started To Melt Nicole Kidman’s Face

May 14, 2014 / Posted by:

Behold, my new favorite beauty portrait of Nicole Kidman. She looks like a delicate and natural winter flower softly blowing in the ice cold breezes. Dr. Ernest Menville does impeccable work.

The Cannes Film Festival opened tonight with the cinematic crusty turd that will get Oscar-winning Nicole Kidman her second Razzie! Tonight’s opening night gala thing brought out the likes of Blake NotSoLively, Audrey Tautou and Jane Fonda who all gave face to the photographers, strolled into the theater and then ran out the back door, because there’s no way they’re going to sit through that mess of a movie. But even though Grace of Monaco is supposedly an embarrassment, Nicole Kidman still showed up looking like her face just came out of a grocer’s freezer. With that side ponytail, that ice face and that blue dress, bitch looks like she’s about to break out into that “Let It Go” song. But Nicole looks way more frozen than that Princess Elsa chick.

Luckily for Nicole Kidman, she didn’t have to go inside the theater and watch her crap movie again. As soon as the epitome of hotness that is Jane Fonda strolled onto the red carpet, Nicole Kidman melted into a puddle of cold water. She’s currently being rebuilt by ice sculptures.


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