Lindsay Lohan Won’t Swear Under Oath About That Miscarriage Because She Wants The Court To Respect Her Privacy

HA! The only two words that make less sense together than Lohan and Privacy are Kardashian and Privacy. Then again, Lindsay Lohan has dried hair extension glue and coke dust for brains, so she probably thinks that going 24-hours without notifying the paps that her drunk freckled ass will be stumbling out of a club counts as private.

Earlier this week, it was reported that the Apricot Ashtray tried to weasel her way out of paying $5 million to D.N.A.M. Apparel, the company that made her 6126 line of cheap-looking stretch pants, by using the miscarriage she admitted to on OWN’s Lindsay as an excuse for why she never responded to their lawsuit, going so far as to swearing in court documents that she was dealing with a miscarriage.

However, TMZ says that lawyers for D.N.A.M. Apparel know that you don’t have to be Miss Cleo to guess that Lohan is mouth-farting out lies, but are willing to give her the benefit of the doubt by having her swear under oath in a court of law on either a bible, a bottle of vodka, or a stack of Life Size DVDs that she’s telling the truth. Ruh roh! The t-t-t-truth? What’s that?!?

Since telling the truth is a foreign concept, and lying on the stand isn’t an option since her acting skills made a break for it somewhere around the time she made I Know Who Killed Me, Lohan had her lawyer respond with this:

“The court does not need the media circus that would ensue if counsel is allowed to invade Lohan’s privacy and delve into her mental state regarding her sobriety and miscarriage.”

Privacy? THIS BITCH! Does she think we all woke up with amnesia and somehow forgot about the time she accepted a bag full of Oprah Cash in exchange for letting a reality show camera crew follow her around? Besides, regardless of whether or not she takes the stand and pushes out some salty freckled tears over her “miscarriage”, it’s laughable that D.N.A.M. Apparel actually thinks they’ll get paid. Her lawyer should have just replied to their lawyers with a link to her IMDB page with a note that said “LOL, like this bitch has $5 million. Good one, guys.” 

Pic: Splash