Justin Bieber Is Being Investigated For Attempted Robbery After A Fight At A Mini-Golf Course

May 14, 2014 / Posted by:

When most parents send their kids off to play with their friends, they’ll remind them to behave, say please and thank-you, mind their manners, don’t fight, be nice, and be good kids. Unfortunately, Pattie Mallette was too busy trying to launch a singing career and dry humping a dirty pile of cash to remind her precious little payday to be on his best behavior Tuesday night, because TMZ says that the LAPD is investigating Justin Bieber for alleged attempted robbery.

It all went down at a mini-golf course in the San Fernando Valley (of course it did) when a woman spotted a living My Scene doll getting into a fight with some men at the batting cages. Realizing the doll was actually Justin Bieber, she took her camera out of her purse to take a picture. Justin Bieber then spotted the woman reaching for her phone, and demanded she hand it over to him so he could delete any pictures she might have taken. She refused to hand her phone over to Vanilla Ice Cream, so he reached into her purse to take it. Then the two started wrestling for the phone, and because toddlers have a notoriously strong grip, Bieber got the phone from her, but he couldn’t see the pictures because the phone was locked. He demanded she unlock it, to which she agreed (sometimes it’s best not to fight with a child in the middle of a tantrum) and proved that she hadn’t taken a single picture of him. Then, like a truly frustrated toddler, he screamed at the woman:

“You’re humiliating yourself in front of your daughter.  Why don’t you just get out of here.” 

Which made the woman’s daughter start crying. The woman then called the LAPD (there’s a Little Assholes Protection Department?) to complain, and now they’re investigating to see if a crime was committed.

Now, I’m no lawyer, but is it really necessary to bring the police into this? I mean, he’s just a bratty little boy. He had too much soda and candy and got too excited playing mini-golf, and it was way past his bedtime, and the big kids wouldn’t let him play in the batting cages, so he started crying, and then he saw a lady he thought was his Mommy, but he got embarrassed when he realized it wasn’t her, so he threw a tantrum. Attempted robbery? He was probably just searching her purse for a binky.

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