It’s Not Too Late To Buy Lil’ Kim A $2,000 Baby Gift

The classic elegance and sophistication that was Lil’ Kim’s baby shower was held on Saturday, and because there’s no trick like a cheap trick, a few days before the shower her assistant Noel Noel – who may or may not be related to Fabrice Fabrice – took to Instagram to pimp out all five (five?? #bitchyoucrazy) of Lil’ Kim’s baby registries, and I don’t know what’s worse: the fact that Lil’ Kim is hustling her fans for baby gifts or that Noel Noel thought that tacky clip art mess belonged anywhere but the trash.

But thanks to Noel Noel and his inability as an assistant to tell his boss that she’s being the definition of tacky and cheap, we know exactly what the melted wax figure of Miss Poogy has asked for. For example, Lil’ Kim would like an $875 leather car seat, two $2,200 strollers (one in white, one in black), two $1,648 cribs, a $7,899 pram (I guess in case the $2,200 strollers are in the shop?), a $500 cup and a $150 spoon. And yet, there’s nothing on any of the lists that one could purchase to soothe her terrified baby after it’s woken up by this face.

And doesn’t she realize that the type of anonymous strangers who are willing to buy her that expensive shit are NOT the kind of people she should not be accepting a gift from? If a random fan in is willing to drop $500 on a baby cup and mail it to a random address in New Jersey, you better believe the box it’s coming in will also contain several creepy poems, a hand-drawn card that looks like a ransom note, and human hair.