Basement Baby Was Released From Her Underground Prison To Go Jewelry Shopping With Jay-Z Today

Jay-Z must still be suffering from the concussion he sustained after getting his ass kicked in an elevator by his wife’s crazy basement-dwelling sister, because TMZ says that earlier today, he and Basement Baby went shopping at a high-end jewelry store in New York City, where they each bought a set of brass knuckles so they could finish the fight they started at the Met Gala. NO! According to TMZ,they were just browsing:

Our sources connected with the store say Jay and Solange were in Mr. Flawless, where they were looking for women’s jewelry for around 20 minutes. We’re told the pair showed no signs of strife, and looked at gems with Mr. Flawless himself.

They looked, but tried nothing on. They left the store without buying anything. Jay and Solange didn’t talk much inside the store … they pretty much just browsed quietly.

They didn’t talk much inside the store. Hmm, I wonder why? Maybe because they were following the strict instructing they received from Beyoncé back in the Re-Beyducation room before they left for their publicity stunt errand. Step 1: Walk in. Step 2: Stay for exactly as long as it would take for an employee of Mr. Flawless to call TMZ with the positive confirmation of a Basement sighting. Step 3: Quietly leave. And if they have time, Step 4: Buy Mama Bey something nice (MUST COMPLETE STEP 4 OR NO STALE BASEMENT BREAD FOR DINNER).

But enough about Beyoncé’s pathetic attempt at damage control; I want to know more about this Mr. Flawless character. He sounds fancy and/or possibly rich. Is he related to Mr. Peanut? Does he also wear a top-hat and monocle? How did he get the name Mr. Flawless? Wait a second…Flawless? Really Beyoncé? That’s the best you could come up with? Looks like someone’s been watching Mrs. Doubtfire.