Hot Slut Of The Day!

Those cut-off cowboy ankle booties from the 90s!

For a brief moment in the early 90s, everyone and their memaw became weirdly obsessed with country western shit. It was as if a bunch of cowboy marketing geniuses hid subliminal messaging in City Slickers that hypnotized everyone into line dancing to Achy Breaky Heart and Boot Scootin’ Boogie and wearing Wranglers and bolo ties and saying “y’all” at the water cooler. Urban people from Seattle and Long Island and Toronto were tucking denim into denim. It didn’t make any sense. But the worst thing people tried to make happen (and succeeded!) was the ankle cowboy bootie.

These things were like the Crocs of the early 90s. You saw them everywhere. They were both dressy and casual; I remember slipping on a pair to ride my bike to the park, dusting off the nasty park sand so I could wear them to church, and then spit-polishing them to wear for a sitting at Sears Portrait Studio. And I wasn’t alone! In 1992, you could walk into any random house in any random town and find 10 pairs of these ugly fuckers piled up in the hallway. And yet they looked good on NO ONE. That janky heel made you walk like a frankenstein and that little stretchy part around the ankles made them look like elastic-waist jeans for your feet.

And I hope you kept yours, because Miley Cyrus is determined to bring back the worst of the 90s, which means these fug slip-ons will probably beat the odds and come back into style.

Pic: Etsy