The Difficult Brown Sentenced To 131 Days In Jail (But He’ll Probably Get Out Next Week)

May 9, 2014 / Posted by:

So, TMZ says that Chris Brown was ordered to 131 more days in jail, which may make you scream out, “YAAAASSS,” until your tonsils pop. But your “YAASSS” may turn into a “NOOOO,” because he’ll probably get out sometime next week due to overcrowding and time served.

For the past few weeks, people partying at clubs have wondered to themselves, “Hmmm, something seems off here. Why isn’t a bottle flying toward my head and why isn’t a fist hitting my cheek?” The answer: Because Chris Brown has been locked up. The Difficult Brown was thrown into jail in mid-March after he got kicked out of rehab (AGAIN) for breaking several rules. He was back in court today in L.A. for a probation violation hearing. Fist Brown was charged with assault in DC after he punched a dude outside of the W Hotel. That is a violation of his probation in the RiRi beating case and in today’s hearing he admitted to committing assault in DC.

For violating probation, the judge sentenced him to 1 year in jail. But that 1 year will be chipped down to just a few days. Chris gets credit for the 59 days he’s been in jail and the 116 days in spent in rehab. TMZ also says that the L.A. County Sheriff’s Department has been releasing jail birds sentenced to 1 year after 240 days due to overcrowding. And for every 1 day he’s served in jail, he gets credit for 2 days. So when I do the math in my head (read: a calculator, because math is hard), he gets credit for 234 days which means he’ll only have to serve 6 days.

People says that the judge told Chris that he could’ve sentenced him to 4 years, but he took into account that he was young when he beat RiRi and that he’s been diagnosed as bi-polar.

Maybe while he was locked up, they gave the Difficult Brown the help he needs and after having some time to reflect, he realized that fisting a person in the face when he gets mad at them is not the way. When he gets out, he’ll recruit Justin Bieber and Lindsay Lohan and together they’ll open up a rehab center in the country where they’ll rehabilitate asshole celebrities into upstanding members of society. And maybe a flock of flying dildos will fly out of my asshole and my lonely tears will magically transform the orange body pillow I call Pillow Hot Ginge into the real thing. Hey, it can happen!

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