The Deaner Grabbed A Couple Bucks From Tori Spelling’s Wallet And Bought Her A Ring For Their Anniversary

May 9, 2014 / Posted by:

Nothing says I love you like buying your wife a ring using the dirty money you earned by faking a marriage crisis for a reality television show. The Deaner – truly one of the last great romantics.

Tori Spelling and the beady-eyed human bag of overactive sperm she calls her husband celebrated their 8th wedding anniversary on Wednesday. According to People, The Deaner shuffles his butt into jewellery store Neil Lane every year to drop a stack of Tori’s cash on a fancy ring for his investment wife (which in turn forces Neil Lane to drop a fat stack on Fabreze to get rid of the lingering stench of Coors Light and chicken wings) and this year he chose a hand-engraved, vintage ring set in 18-carat gold with sapphires, rubies and peridots.

“Dean wanted to keep tradition and celebrate their anniversary and ‘love story’ with a very special, beautiful ring set in gold — and this one is really cool with lots of color,” Lane tells People. “He loved the multi-color and he wanted gems. It’s very stylish and different. He wanted to get a really special jewel, something meaningful –he wanted to show up for Tori with a beautiful ring.”

Neil, you idiot! You were supposed to say “love sTORI“, not “love story”. Didn’t you memorize the script that was sent over from the producers of True Tori? Good luck getting that check now buddy. But I wonder how The Deaner, a known idiot with the memory of a goldfish, was able to pick out such a perfect gift? I bet he had a little help from the girls at Hooters:

“Hey sugar tits, can you do The Deaner a solid and pack a to-go box with a couple chicken wings? What’s crappenin’ here is that The Deaner has to peace out a little early today and buy an anniversary present for the wife. Fuck me, right? No really, can I get a handy to go with those wings? Aw, c’mon ladies, you can’t fault The Deaner for trying to keep it sleazy.”

Here’s Tori and The Deaner celebrating their anniversary on Wednesday night. Say Something Nice: it was very thoughtful of The Deaner to put on one of his “good” t-shirts for the occasion.

Pics: Flame Flynet

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