Lady Gaga Kicked Off Her ARTPOP Tour Looking Like A Busted Patti Mayonnaise

May 5, 2014 / Posted by:

The lawyers at Nickelodeon are no doubt busy drafting up some Cease-and-Desist letters this morning after seeing Lady Gaag performing at the first show of her SHARTPOOP tour dressed like a tacky gutterskank knock-off of Patti Mayonnaise from Doug (Yoga Jones is NOT amused). Besides, Macklemore did it first and did it better. Wait, so does this mean she’s ripping off Doug, or ripping off Macklemore ripping off Doug? I can’t keep up with Lady Gaag’s plagiarism.

On Sunday night, Gaag kicked off the first show of her artRAVE: The ARTPOP Ball tour in Fort Lauderdale, FL, and maybe she was just trying to blend in with her environment, but everything about the show was a MESS (no disrespect to Fort Lauderdale, the drunken hook-up baby of Daytona and Panama City Beach). The whole show was like a 90’s Nickelodeon nightmare threw up on a clearance bin at Uncle Discount’s Halloween Superstore. There’s budget, and then there’s Lady Gaag. All the costumes looked like they were recycled from another tour or stolen from the dumpster behind a Bangerz show. It’s as if her stylist was sick in the hospital with mono and had twenty minutes in between naps and episodes of Rugrats on Nick Reboot to throw some outfits together on the Fashion Plates they found in the children’s wing, then looked at the sketches and said “fuck it, I’ll just staple together some garbage from the craft store like I always do.”

I will say this about Lady Gaag’s SHARTPOOP tour: most of her looks were stolen straight from the 90s, and so for giving me a feeling of nostalgia, I’ll give her one small, barely audible clap. That’s right, Gaag didn’t stop at just Patti Mayonnaise. In what was one of the night’s truly shittiest, cheapest-looking costumes, she dressed up as a raver (maybe skip over those pictures, because they’ll give you a major case of the sads). Coming in a close second was the bodysuit that made her look like a fancy Pogo Ball. And finally, I don’t know how she does it, but that giant wig/seashell bra outfit makes her look like both Ren and Stimpy.

And I won’t even get into that bobo green Katy Perry wig, because talking about a pop star ripping off another pop star who rips off other pop stars will surely collapse the universe in on itself.

Pics: Splash

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