In response to the gauntlet thrown down by the deviantART painting of a sexy alien stripper released by Mariah Carey last week, the original JLo Kardashian Jennifer Lopez has released her own work of visual fiction by revealing the cover art for her upcoming album A.K.A. on Twitter Monday morning. I’m really glad the graphic designer put JLo’s name in giant gold letters on the upper left-hand corner so we’d know right away who we were looking at, because if they hadn’t, I think a lot of people would have mistook this for a promo shot for a future Snatch Game episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race. That’s not to say that JLo looks like a drag queen here; she looks like a drag queen pretending to be JLo (big difference). And yes, that drag queen’s name is Discreet O’ Burrito (she’s half-Irish).
I’d say I’d like to see what the before picture of JLo looked like, but I honestly don’t believe this is the result of Photoshopping to death one picture. Everything sort of looks like a compilation, like they couldn’t get JLo in the studio for a photo shoot, so she gave them the go-ahead to Frankenstein together an exquisite corpse and bury the result under 20 heavy layers of Photoshop filters; the result of which makes Jennifer Lopez look about as natural and realistic as South Park’s Jennifer Lopez. And speaking of layers and filters, it looks like I should update my version to include the tool that replaces human eyes with evil-looking snake marbles.
In case you need your memory jogged as to what JLo actually looks like, here’s the non-plastic (errrr) human version of Jennifer Lopez hanging around a recording studio in Los Angeles on Friday: