Miley Is Still Sick, Starting To Cancel Concerts In Europe Now

May 1, 2014 / Posted by:

The bastard love child of Canary Yellow and a $10 bag of gas station weed got some bad news this week when doctors told Miley Cyrus that she still hasn’t recovered from the allergic reaction she had to antibiotics, and that she’s isn’t allowed to travel just yet, thus postponing the start of the European leg of her Bangerz tour. E! News says that the Miss Pretty Possum pageant runner-up (the winner was an actual possum) has been forced to reschedule shows in Amsterdam and Antwerp, but still plans on performing at London’s O2 Arena on May 6th.

Miley has been sick since April 15th, and I mean, I’m no doctor (unless you count watching episodes of Dr. Oz as medical training, in which case I’m basically the Surgeon General), but that’s a long-ass time to be in the hospital for an allergic reaction, right? Or do hillbilly hospitals work differently, like once you check in to triage, you’re given a 2L bottle of Mountain Lightning and told to wait a couple weeks till they’re able to get their hands on some home-made OxyContin and a jar full of leeches? Either way, something in the milk ain’t clean here (then again, if Miley’s touched the milk, it’s definitely no longer clean).

Regardless of whether or not Miley is still suffering from an allergic reaction to antibiotics or she’s just drying out at a clinic that specializes in crotch-rot addiction, she’s definitely bummed out:

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I feel bad for Miley, but I feel more sorry for whichever doctor drew the short straw and had to tell her she was no longer going to the Disneyland of Weed (Amsterdam); I hope someone drafted up an emergency plan at the ICU before hand on how to deal with a devastated irate weasel reacting to bad news.

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