The producers of that Peter Pan movie the world really needs right now said that their version is totally new, totally forward and they’re going to fill the cast with multi-racial actors from around the world. Well, now they’re almost getting TOO mult-racial and TOO diverse, because Deadline says that Amanda Seyfried, a white chick from Pennsylvania, and Michelle Rodriguez’s partner in pussy Cara Delevingne, a white chick from the UK, have joined the multi-racial, multi-international cast. DIVERSITY!
Amanda will play Mary and Cara and her Sam the Eagle brows are playing a small role (please don’t let it be Tinkerbell, please don’t let it be Tinkerbell, she’s totally going to be Tinkerbell). They join a really diverse and multi-racial cast that includes Hugh Jackman, a white dude from Australia, as Blackbeard, Levi Miller, a white kid from the US, as Peter Pan, Garrett Gimme Hedlund, a white dude from the US, as Hook, Rooney Mara, a white chick from the US, as Tiger Lily, Adeel Akhtar, a Pakistani dude from England, as Smee, Taejoo Na, a Korean dude from Korea, as Kwahu and Nonso Anozie, a Nigerian dude from England, as the Bishop.
This mess of a movie got a lot of shit when they cast Rooney Mara as Tiger Lily, but I really didn’t see the problem. I’m sure Rooney Mara got “Marilyn Whirlwind” when she took Buzzfeed’s “Which Northern Exposure Character Are You?” quiz and her weekday nanny growing up was like 1/100th Cherokee, so that practically makes her Native American.
I’m sure the producers of Pan will continue to assemble the most multi-racial cast in the world by casting Goopy Paltrow, the whitest woman in the world, as Tiger Lily’s mom and by announcing that Blake Lively, the second whitest woman in the world, will replace Adeel Akhtar as Smee. Then their multi-racial, international cast will be complete!