Hot Slut Of The Day!

Freddy Freaker!

I’ve never seen and hissed at this dark-sided, evil mutation of one of Lindsay Lohan’s coke boogers until Dlisted reader Amanda sent it to me a few days ago. If I did see it as a kid in the 80s, then I immediately shoved it down the trash compactor in my brain (“But isn’t your entire brain a trash compactor” – you “Have you been reading my medical files?” – me) and protected my soul by forgetting about it. Freddy Freaker was the demon star of a 1-900 number commercial in the 80s and no, I don’t know what happened when you called that number. But if you hear of a 30-something zombie-like human with dead eyes who has a panic attack every time they see a yellow bell pepper, then just assume that when they were a kid they called that 900 number and had their soul and spirit sucked out of their ear by Freddy Freaker.

Freddy Freaker looks like some kind of clumpy piss creature that was created when Ray-J pissed on Kim’s skin of Lucifer ass cheeks. Freddy Freaker looks like what you’d see if you put up a microscope to Gary Busy’s coagulated jizz. Behold, nightmares:

Happy Good Friday, everyone!