Open Post: Hosted By Colin Farrell In A Tux

April 5, 2014 / Posted by:

Yes, it took several Irish Hazmat workers, a crime scene clean-up crew and a dozen animal shelter groomers hours to clean up Colin Farrell by flea dipping him twice, hosing him down with a mixture of boiling water and Borax and scrubbing his entire body with a Chore Boy, but it was well worth it. Because when Colin Farrell cleans up, the bitch really cleans up! But I will say that it sort of feels wrong and unnatural when I look at a picture of Colin Farrell and the stank scent of a dick cheese quesadilla marinating in a puddle of rancid ground beef juices doesn’t waft off of it. I hope they didn’t scrub all the dick cheese off of Colin Farrell. If they did, that would be dead ass wrong. Because Colin Farrell isn’t Colin Farrell unless he’s got at least a small nugget on fromage on his peen.

Colin put on a tux today to present at the Irish Film & Television Academy Awards (aka the Irish Oscars) in Dublin. Could Colin look any more uncomfortable in that tux? He looks like a caveman who time traveled here from the past and had to put on clothes to fit in with modern day society. Colin looks as comfortable in that tux as Kim Kardashian does when she’s got a white dick in her mouth. Or as comfortable as Rojo Caliente in a bright pink satin gown. Colin is as stiff as a brand new butt plug. If was there I’d tell him to free himself from the confines of that tuxedo and let his greasy man nipples breathe in the air! ….And then security would drag me away, stuff my mouth with a restraining order and put me on the next flight back to America. Eh, it’s not like it hasn’t happened before.

Here’s more of the Irish Burt Reynolds and his clit-tickling stache at the IFTAs tonight. Michael Fassbender was also there. Oh, to be a fly sitting on a urinal in the men’s bathroom at the IFTAs. It’d be like scenes from an Irish sausage factory.


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