Open Post: Hosted By The Dandelion Beauty Who Caught “The Chupacabra Of Texas”

April 3, 2014 / Posted by:

Poor Rachel Zoe. She goes to SXSW in Austin, gets drunk in a bar, passes out and then wakes up in a cage in some hillbilly’s front yard. FREE CHUPA!

KABC (via TMZ) in Los Angeles decided to take their asses to Ratcliffe, a small town in Texas, to talk to Jackie Stock and Arlen Parma, two hillbillies who think they caught the mythical chupacabra. The animal was wandering around their house on Sunday night and when Jackie’s husband told her to come look at it, she said to him, “Bubba, that looks like a baby chupacabra.” Before you even started reading this, you knew it was going to be about two hillbillies and you knew one of them would have the nickname Bubba.

Arlen said that he’s been hunting coons for 20 years and he’s never seen an animal like that. Everybody in their town thinks these messes actually caught the goat-killing chupacabra. But an “animal expert” tells KABC that he thinks the animal is either some kind of dog with mange, you know because dogs eat corn like they’ve got people hands.

KABC definitely should’ve gone to Ratcliffe, but they’re missing the real story. THIS is the real story:

whitehairedbeautyopenpost

The real story here is that KABC caught Madame Razz without her mask hat on!

Hopefully, the ASPCA rescues that caged raccoon with mange and then rescues that tortured silky chicken on ole’ girl’s head.

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