Lorde Doesn’t Want You Photoshopping Out Her Zits, Thank You Very Much

April 1, 2014 / Posted by:

Wait a second…“doesn’t want Photoshop”? I think I might have just discovered the self-destruct code for Kim Kardashian’s brain (April Fools! She doesn’t have a brain). But this isn’t about the rancid pile of coagulated Botox where Kim’s brain used to be. It’s about the 17-year-old New Zealand pop singer in Nancy Downs/Rayanne Graff drag, Lorde! But more specifically, it’s about what happens when you try to airbrush the pimple pals off Lorde’s face.

On Sunday, Lorde posted two pictures taken of herself performing at Chile’s Lollapalooza: on the bottom was a picture of her skin in all its teenaged acne glory, on the top was a picture of her with miraculously clear, smooth skin. Lorde addressed that something in the Clearasil wasn’t clean by saying:

i find this curious – two photos from today, one edited so my skin is perfect and one real. remember flaws are ok

I myself grew up with awful skin (sample nicknames: Mount St. Allison, Braille-ison – both of which, I’ll admit, were very clever) and was pretty comfortable with it because lots of kids have shitty skin in high school. But one of the best days of my life was when I received my 11th grade school pictures and some merciful angel-style savour at Jostens had airbrushed my skin as smooth as a Kardashian’s emotionless face. I was thrilled! I thought about putting those pictures up all over the house, until I realized it would look like my parents were building a creepy shrine to a much prettier daughter.

But I wasn’t famous like Lorde is, so I’m sort of slow-clapping her choice to call out that pimple-hating photographer. It’s refreshing to hear Lorde admit that her skin looks like a Little Caesars hot-n-ready, because she’s a fucking kid and kids are supposed to have zits. Wait a second…this might be part of Lorde’s clever ruse to convince us she’s actually 17 and not 40 (or whatever age the Lorde Age Truthers think she is). A face full of zits is the best way to convince people you’re younger than you really are. I’m my anti-aging secret. Keep getting pimples well into adulthood, and you’ll always be mistaken for a 22-year-old.

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