Open Post: Hosted By Taylor Swift’s Idea Of A Teenage Goth Phase

March 29, 2014 / Posted by:

I don’t think I’ve ever seen America’s sunflower in a color darker than pastel mauve, so looking at this picture of Taylor Swift in head to to black is a little off-putting. Like the backwards crab walk from The Exorcist, or seeing Kim Kardashian hold a baby. I wonder what brought this badassery on? It’s got to be one of the following:

A) Taytay Butterscotch Sundae finally got up the nerve to watch Beetlejuice (even though it looked, like, totally scary) at her weekly cookies-n-cuddles sleepover and couldn’t believe just how much she was able to relate to 13-year-old Lydia Deetz.

B) Since her former BFF, Lorde, hasn’t been around much lately, so taking a cute from Grease, Taylor decides the best way to get Lorde back is to dress in sullen teen drag. And she’s almost mastered the facial expression, too (that’s Taylor’s best attempt at ‘not giving a fuck’).

C) She’s rebelling against her parents for not allowing her to have a sleepover on a school night. First she cuts off all her hair. Then she’s dressing all in black. Next she’ll be sneaking a cigarette behind the shed and getting her ears pierced at the mall by forging her mom’s signature. THAT’LL SHOW THEM!

Here’s more of Rosary Bittermoon (that’s what you get when you put Taylor Swift into a random goth name generator) apathetically walking through New York, mentally ranking her favorite songs by The Cure from sad to hopelessly sad, and thinking about the 1,200 ways society doesn’t “get” her:

Pics: Splash

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