James Franco Shouldn’t Be On Lindsay Lohan’s Slam Piece List, So Says James Franco

According to James Franco, that picture was not taken after Lindsay Lohan queefed on his face while he was eating her out, because he’s never eaten her out.

A couple of weeks ago, James Franco’s name was on a list that InTouch Weekly published of dudes who probably had a dick wart or two frozen off after sticking their peens between Lindsay Lohan’s freckled jerky curtains. InTouch claims that LiLo drunkenly made the list with friends at a bar at the Beverly Hills Hotel last year and “accidentally” left the list on a table. While talking to Los Angeles Magazine about his new book of material to get your eye-rolling muscle in shape (aka his new book of poetry), the douche of all trades brought up the list and says he’s never put his peen on LiLo’s green eggs and ham.

You wrote about several celebrities in this book, including a couple of poems about Lindsay Lohan. Have you gotten any response from any of these people?

No, I didn’t write anything bad about them. And Lindsay herself has told lies about me with her people-she’s-slept-with list! So I feel like what I said is much less than what she’s said.

I guess James really is sticking with that story, because last year he told Howard Stern that LiLo tried to get on his dick at the Chateau Marmont and he turned her down:

“Oh, gosh. Poor Lindsay. I haven’t talked to her in a while. We were friends. My house in L.A. was being redone, so I did this thing where I just stayed at the hotel, and she had been living there for a couple years.

I mean, I don’t want to brag about it. I don’t know how that got out. [Lindsay] was having issues even then, so you feel weird. Honestly, she was a friend. I’ve met a lot of people that are troubled and sometimes you don’t want to do that.”

The fact that Seth Rogen’s cuddle time buddy doesn’t even consider the possibility that InTouch Weekly just made that list up by trolling through old tabloid stories makes me think that, yes, he hit that. But there’s an easy way to confirm if this is true or not. Just check the Chateau Marmont maintenance and housekeeping records from when James stayed there and if there’s several complaints of an odor that reeks of “rotten ground beef cooking in a pot of boiling vinegar and spoiled tuna fish water,” we’ll know that it totally happened.