Open Post: Hosted By Charlize Theron On The Florida Keys

March 20, 2014 / Posted by:

According to, it was 125 degrees fahrenheit in the Florida Keys yesterday (and by “” I mean ““) and that’s because a photo shoot starring Charlize Theron generated massive amounts of potent heat. Um, no, the heat didn’t come from Charlize Theron. Charlize cannot generate massive amounts of potent heat as long as she’s putting her tongue on Sean Penn’s split-open microwaved hot dog dick. The heat wafted off of photographer Mario Testino as he strutted that ass in a pair of panty cream-inducing Spandex swim panties. That “Throw That Boy Pussy” song has permanently moved into my brain like a stoner moocher friend with no job, because as soon as Mario Testino’s ass cheeks popped up on my screen, I thought to myself, “Round of applause, make that ass clap.”

Pics: Splash

Our commenting rules: Don't be racist or bigoted, or get into long-ass fights, or go way off topic when not in an Open Post. Also, promoting adblockers is not allowed. And some comment threads will be pre-moderated, so it may take a second for your comment to show up if it's approved.

alt="drupal analytics" >