Color Me A Goopy Shade Of Shocked: Gwyneth Paltrow Was A Mean Girl In School

“What? NO! That’s crazy! She’s such a sweet, down-to-earth girl!” – your mom confusing Gwyneth Paltrow for Glynnis Parker, the secretary at her church. Then after you stare at her in utter disbelief for a solid 60 seconds, she finally realizes you said Gwyneth Paltrow. “Oh, Gwyneth Paltrow the actress. Of course she was a Class-A bitch in middle school.”

I always had the suspicion that Gwyneth was probably an insufferable hag since childhood (I imagine she slid from Blythe Danner’s uterus complaining about the lack of imported embryonic fluid) and now thanks to Radar, we now have confirmation from one of Gwynnie’s former classmates that she was just as much a snobby terror at 16 as she is now:

“Gwyneth always seemed like she thought she was better than the rest of us,” a former classmate told Radar about the GOOP founder.

“She was in a play where she had the princess role and she told another girl in school that ‘of course’ she was playing that role because she was a princes and the other girl was not and that’s why she didn’t get the role. No one was surprised, she was so smug, even back then.”

The source also went on to say that there’s a 99.999% chance that no one is accepting Gwyneth’s friend requests on Facebook:

Decades later, the source said now that the Park Avenue princess has moved her family back to LA the girls she was mean to when she was younger haven’t changed their opinions of her.

“A group of women that didn’t get along with Gwyneth back in the day want nothing to do with her now.  They still live in LA and have no interest in hanging out with her or being friends at all!”

In other news, water is still wet and the Earth still orbits around the Sun. But I’d love to know more about the kind of awful mean girl shit Gwyneth pulled in High School; I bet she made the mean bitches from Carrie look like The Baby-Sitter’s Club. Someone get Maya Rudolph drunk and see if she spills any secrets!