Kesha Is Out Of Rehab And Has Retired The Dollar Sign

March 7, 2014 / Posted by:

The reason it smells like hot shrimp diapers on the West Coast this morning is because Kesha’s back in Los Angeles today after spending two months battling an eating disorder at the Timberline Knolls treatment facility in Illinois. And unlike some people we know, Kesha actually looks like she got along well with rehab. Glitter manufacturers everywhere are wiping away reflective tears of joy and firing up the glitter cannons because their queen has returned!

But the most obvious proof Kesha is doing better? She’s dropped that dumbs dollar sign from her name! I like to imagine one of her councillors sat her down and was like “Look, we’ll get to the eating disorder shit in a second, but first we need to talk about spelling your name with a dollar sign. It looks like your birth certificate was filled out by a halitosis-covered gold grill in the parking lot of a swap meet.” So now she’s Kesha-no-dollar-sign, and the first thing she tweeted to her fans from her new Twitter handle didn’t sound like an bath salts-snorting mess of used baby wipes (it’s amazing what dropping that $ from your name can do to raise your intelligence level):

Happy to be back! Feeling healthy & working on tons of new music. I can’t thank my fans enough for all the love & support u have given me

Obviously I have no idea if Kesha actually wrote something that eloquent or if she just put on a pair of glasses like Tracy Jordan does when he’s pretending to be smart and dictated the Tweet to her assistant, who then translated her gibberish Raver Nell speak into what we see here. But she’s fresh out of rehab, so let’s give this pastel freon-huffing fraggle the benefit of the doubt.

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