This Has The Stink Of Dave Coulier’s Vindictive Mullet All Over It

March 6, 2014 / Posted by:

If you’re invited to Alanis Morissette’s house for breakfast, be prepared for a giant bowl of organic wall-slides and leche-scented tears, because her chunky pooch Circus has been STOLEN! I know that your first instinct is to call up Detective Sarah McLachlan and beg her to get to the bottom of this dramatic dognapping, but you can go ahead and hang up the phone. Alanis knows who stole her dog, the dog stealer acknowledges she stole the dog, and the tension between the two is so thick and emotional you’d swear you were watching a telenovela called Mi Perro, Mi Amor.

According to TMZ, everything started back in 2011, when Alanis and her husband Mario Treadway (aka Souleye, aka never forget that stupid name) found the chihuahua-pug stray roaming the streets, so they adopted the dog and named him Circus. Circus then started bonding with Alanis’s housekeeper Maria Garcia, who would take care of the dog while Alanis and her husband were away. Then in January, Maria was fired (probably for forgetting to pull the 5-feet-long hair ropes from the drain when she cleaned Alanis’s shower) and Maria took the dog as part of her severance package. Except that he wasn’t part of her severance package and he’s not her dog.

Dogs are considered property under California law, so in order to get Circus back, they need to sue Maria for the return of the dog. So Alanis and her husband have filed a lawsuit against Maria demanding the return of Circus, and also $25,000, because why the hell not? Might as well make a little cash while you’re in court.

But it doesn’t take a Detective McLachlan to know that Maria Garcia is just a patsy; mark my words, the real dog snatcher is (dramatic music)…Uncle Joey Gladstone! He’s been bitter ever since Alanis revealed in “You Oughta Know” that he was a woodchuck-fisting two-timer, and he’s out for blood!

(Pic: Flame Flynet)

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