A week before the Oscars, the producers said that Andrew Garfield was going to make a very special appearance and induct a new superhero into the fraternity of superheroes. They said it was going to be a very moving segment. I took that to mean that they were going to move us all to a higher place by announcing that Courtney Stodden is going to star in the long-awaited Dazzler movie! But no, apparently Batkid was supposed to be the new superhero that Spider-Man was supposed to welcome to the superhero club. In case you just woke up from a long coma or you try to keep your black, molten heart intact by staying away from sweet news about children, Batkid is Miles Scott, a 5-year-old boy with cancer whose Make-A-Wish came true when parts of San Francisco were shut down so that he could live like Batman for a day. Batkid became a viral superstar and he was the reason why millions of hearts liquefied and melted out of orifices.
The Batkid Oscars segment was written, the sets were built and Batkid was at rehearsals on Saturday. But on Oscar morning, the producers told Batkid’s mom that they were cutting the segment. Batkid’s mom told IB Times that they weren’t really given a reason as to why Batkid’s Oscar dreams were stomped on.
“I don’t know if they ran out of time, or if there was something about the segment they didn’t like it. It got pulled so quickly that we didn’t have a lot of insight into what was going on. It is kind of a disappointment, but things happen. I know that’s how TV goes and how Hollywood is. We’re just not used to that; we’re from a really small town.”
Batkid didn’t go to the Oscars, but the producers gave him something better: a trip to Disneyland.
Andrew Garfield wasn’t at the Oscars and Radar said that a “personal matter” is the reason why he canceled on that shit. But Page Six says that the real reason why Andrew wasn’t at the Oscars is because he hates Batkid! Sort of. Some source (probably Doctor Octopus) told Page Six that Andrew was at rehearsals with Batkid on Saturday, but he wasn’t into the lines they wrote for him. He came up with his own lines, but the producers didn’t like them, so he quit that bitch and gave a kid with cancer the sads.
“Garfield refused to go by the script. He came up with his own lines. The producers felt that Garfield’s [rewrites] were not appropriate. Garfield had a tantrum. He stormed off. Miles and his family, who were at the rehearsal, were devastated.Garfield was such a spoiled brat that he didn’t even want to be a presenter.”
Not much makes sense about that story. If Andrew Garfield really is a child-hating demon who agreed to do the Batkid segment and then dropped out at the last minute, why wouldn’t the producers get Thor or Captain America or Batman to do it? Chris Hemsworth, Chris Evans and Christian Bale were all there. I was going to suggest Anne Hathaway as Catwoman, but then all of you would think that I was the one who hates Batkid. That kid doesn’t deserve that.
Besides if Andrew Garfield really bailed out on a kid with cancer, Pimp Mama Kris would walk into the middle of Sunset Blvd, paint a pentagram in goat’s blood, lie down in the middle of it and clutch Andrew Garfield’s headshot while proclaiming him as her new satanic overlord.
UPDATE: A rep for the Academy says that Andrew didn’t ruin the Batkid segment. The producers are the ones who shredded Batkid’s Oscar hopes by cutting it from the show.
“Due to the nature of a live show, hard decisions sometimes must be made which require the Academy to cut segments due to the logistics of production. Andrew Garfield understood that his segment had to be omitted, and he drove to Disneyland on Monday to spend time with 5-year-old Miles Scott (Batkid) and his family.”