Hot Slut Of The Day!

Sally Kirkland, the Empress of the Oscars now and forever!

A few years ago I was watching the Oscars pre-show thing and as the sneakiest and richest gnome in all the land Ryan Seacrest was interviewing some basic actor type, a delicate and graceful butterfly appeared in the background and hiked up her dress before jumping over a red velvet rope to say hi to someone. It was Sally Kirkland and it was a beautiful and graceful moment. While all those other Hollywood assholes tried to act all refined and proper and shit, Sally Kirkland’s being was depleted of fucks when she hopped over that rope the same way you do when you drunkenly leave the club at 4 in the morning. Now that IS a lady.

Sally Kirkland was nominated for Best Actress for Anna in 1987 (she lost to Cher for Moonstruck) and ever since then she’s graced many Oscars with her subtle glamour and elegant theatrics. Sally has shown up looking like a slutty, skydiving Morticia Addams who crashed into a circus tent after her parachute (see pictures below). (I’m sensing a circus and parachute theme here.) When Sally Kirkland shows up to the Oscars, she’s instantly the Best Dressedand shuts all those unfashionable sluts down.

Sally doesn’t even present at the Oscars or anything, but the producers of that shit know that the Oscar’s fuckery levels will drop to dangerously low levels if she doesn’t work the red carpet. But I learned a disturbing fact while doing research for this HIGHLY IMPORTANT news post. Sally hasn’t been photographed at the Oscars for a few years. I know, that should be ILLEGAL and the Oscar ceremony shouldn’t even start until Sally has taken her seat on the Oscars throne. I hope that changes today. I hope that the dark clouds will part and Sally will glide in on a jacked-up parachute gown and all the simpletons will get on their knees and worship the true Empress of the Oscars! Because if I’m going to sit through all 78 hours of that circle jerk wreck, I’m going to need a potent shot of YES in the form of Sally Kirkland to get me through it.

Happy Oscars, whores!