Kate Hudson And Matthew Bellamy Are “On The Rocks,” So Says People Magazine

February 27, 2014 / Posted by:

If you want to sound like a real pretentious twat, order a Hudson and Bellamy on the rocks at the bar.

People says that the Dollar Tree (yet slightly less insufferable) version of Chris Martin and Goopy Paltrow are on the verge of breaking up and the battery on their relationship has dipped into the red zone and is about to shut down. Dear athletes and British musicians, get your sperm count up by gobbling down all the zinc and folic acids, because Kate Hudson might be on the prowl soon!

Some source tells People that after being engaged for three years, Kate Hudson and Matthew Bellamy aren’t really hanging around each other anymore and they’re spending more and more time apart. Kate and Matthew met at Coochella in 2010 (TYPICAL!) and a year later they were engaged and a few months after that she birthed out their son Bing. Kate also has a son named Ryder with Chris Robinson. People’s source says that they’re trying to work things out, but shit isn’t looking good.

“Kate and Matt have been on the rocks for some time. They’re not in a great place. [They] are still living together. Kate is not giving up.”

UsWeekly¬†echoed People’s story and added that they’re taking time apart to work crap out.

I had a boyfriend who obviously wanted to dump my ass and every time I thought he was going to do it, he’d back out. I never brought it up, because I didn’t want him to break up with me. So, he finally told me we should take a little time apart to thinks about things. We didn’t live together and I only saw his face about once a week. I knew what that bitch was doing. He didn’t want to let go of one boyfriend until he got himself another. It’s like when your job puts you on “probation,” but they’re really just getting your last check ready and holding interviews for your replacement. A shady slut knows a shady slut when he sees one. He wanted to spend “our time apart” clearing his head all over my replacement’s chest and by “his head” I don’t mean the one on his neck. Anyway, I took him up on his offer and he dumped me a month later.

That’s really the only thing I have to add to this story. Oh, I have one more thing to add. Maybe Matt wants to take a little time apart, because every time he does see Kate Hudson she has a new face and it confuses him. Here’s Kate at a BVLGARI event in West Hollywood two nights ago and the HELL is her face? Is it a sneaky wombat trying disguise itself as a cat? Is it a dwarf who’s making some money on the side by working as a JLo impersonator? Maybe her hair is pulled really, really tight. Maybe if she undid that bun, her face would fall back into its original position. Yeah, probably not.

Pics: Wenn.com, Splash

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