BREAKING: George Clooney Held Hands With A Woman Who Isn’t A Las Vegas Cocktail Waitress Or A Model

February 26, 2014 / Posted by:

This awards season hasn’t been the same without George Clooney sashaying on red carpet after red carpet with a tall drink of MEH in a borrowed Tadashi gown. Did award season really happen if we didn’t get at least one shot of George Clooney’s escort-of-the-moment awkwardly contorting her face when a reporter asks her about marriage? Well, just because Clooney hasn’t been hitting the award shows with a mostly mute piece who is young enough to call him daddy and mean it, doesn’t mean he doesn’t have a new piece. People says that he’s been dating someone and he really switched up the game this time, because she’s a fancy British lawyer. Today, the floors of every Las Vegas casino are filled with the broken dreams of cocktail waitresses who wanted to believe they were next.

People says that at a White House screening of that shitty-ass-looking The Monuments Men, 52-year-old Clooney brought one of Julian Assange’s lawyers, 36-year-old Amal Alamuddin, as his date. The Daily Mail has a picture of her standing next to him and it looks like drunk ass Joe Biden took that picture with a potato. They held hands at the screening and afterward they went to the Willard Hotel’s Round Robin & Scotch Bar for a drink with the cast and they were on each other like a Lohan nostril on a pile of coke.

“His arm was around her shoulder and she had hers around his. They just seemed very, very together. They were stuck like glue.”

Clooney and Amal were first seen together last October at a restaurant in London.

Blah, blah, blah… Amal Alamuddin (Side Note: I’m calling dibs on the porn name Anal ala Muddin’) has a fancy job, has fancy degrees from fancy schools, probably has fancy friends and has a fancy eyebrow situation that was probably created by a fancy eyebrow artiste, but she will never be half as elegant and sophisticated as my all-time favorite Clooney girlfriend. Now is the right time to remind everyone to never forget the demure Sarah Larson.


File that classic imagine under: beautiful sights you can see almost any time of the day at the Señor Frog’s in Ensenada. No, seriously if you went there now you’d probably see Sarah Larson doing just that. What a fucking lady.

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