Robin Thicke Tried To Save His Marriage To Paula Patton

We all tipped over with SHOCK! yesterday when Paula Patton announced that she’s totally done with licking up random snatch juices off of Robin Thicke’s lips when she kisses him hello. I figured that when Paula Patton told Alan Thicke’s son that she’s done with his ass, he temporarily took his mouth of off his side piece’s snatch, shrugged and put his mouth back down. But a source tells TMZ that Robin canceled a show and flew his ass from Atlanta to Canada to get Paula to change her mind. It’s kind of impressive how “a source” (aka Robin’s publicist) found time to talk to TMZ in between dropping piles of cash into all of his side piece’s lap so they won’t run off and sell their stories to Life & Style.

The sources tell TMZ that after fighting all the time, Paula told Robin on Friday that she wanted to Give It 2 Him and by “it” she meant a separation. Paula’s in Vancouver shooting a movie and Robin was so desperate to change her mind that he canceled his concert in Atlanta and ran his ass over to her to beg her to stay. After talking it out, Robin realized that Paula was as stuck on breaking up with him as his finger was stuck up that slutty raccoon’s ass. Robin gave in. That made Paula sad and it made Robin sad and as they both made a frowny face, his dick made a happy face, because it knew that the games were only just beginning.

Well, you could say that this is Robin’s not-so-subtle way of trying to make himself look like a loving and caring husband who tried to make his marriage work instead of taking a Crisco shower before throwing his body on a pile of naked groupies.

But these two messes have been together for 20 years since they were 14 and 16. I can’t imagine still being with my little ass boyfriend. I got my first ~real~ boyfriend when I had just turned 18 and if I was still with him today, our relationship would make Paula and Robin’s relationship look like the true definition of healthy and functional. I mean, I troll his Facebook page from time to time and he has liked both Lands’ End and CROCs (I’m not making this up). If I had to go out with my boyfriend while he was wearing a blue fleece pullover and matching CROCs, I’d have to inhale all the coke and dick to deal.