Mothers, Lock Up Your Everything: Chris Brown Has Finished His 90 Days In Rehab

February 24, 2014 / Posted by:

Oooh, Justin Bieber just got the fear. Now that Chris Brown is back on the streets, Tantrum Toddler is no longer the baddest boy on the block anymore. Whipping down the street on your Big Wheel and egging houses? Puh-lease. Chris Brown’s gonna school you on how to really egg a house. And by ‘egg a house’, I mean beat someone till you’ve been charged with felony assault‘.

Or maybe those 90-days of court-ordered anger management rehab have rubbed off on him and he’s traded in his bad boy ways for building bird houses and tying knots with his scout troop. I mean, the cynical realist in me says he’s not, but according to Hollywood Life, the sorry slug of a human we call Breezy has emerged from rehab as beautiful, gentle butterfly. Here, hold out your hands so I may distribute several grains of salt:

“He’s back home now and he feels good about it,” a source close to Chris tells Hollywood Life exclusively. After Chris left rehab, he headed to a music video shoot, where he broke out some impressive moves for his new single, “Loyal.” His closest friends then welcomed him back home with open arms.

Now the next step for Chris is to take what he was taught in anger management rehab and apply it to the real world. “He’s trying to take what he learned with him about his anger and relationships with women and his mother and use those skills to make his relationships better,” the source insists.

I don’t want to believe that Chris Brown is a changed boy (I refuse to use the word man) but he did recently Instagram a picture of himself at a benefit dinner and it wasn’t a picture of his fist making contact with the face of one of the two other guys sitting beside him, or him smashing the shit out of the table while flipping everyone off, so…baby steps? What if rehab actually worked and he’s no longer a violent lizard? Hahaha, I know; that’s like saying “Maybe Kim Kardashian is ready for a quiet life of privacy“. But for the sake of trying to be a good person, I sort of hope he has put his Street Fighter ways behind him so we can get back to focusing on what truly matters: the shitty, shitty music he makes.

(Pic: Splash)

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