Hide Yo Vaginas! Robin Thicke Is Single Again!

You might’ve been standing outside today and noticed that a slutty-looking, Drakkar Noir-smelling tornado was humping every piece in its path. Oh, it was just Robin Thicke celebrating the end of his marriage by fucking everything he can. No pussy will be left un-fucked by Robin’s slutty ass.  Paula Patton said in a statement to People that after being together since they were teenagers, they are pressing the stop button on their marriage.

“We will always love each other and be best friends, however, we have mutually decided to separate at this time,” the singer and the actress told PEOPLE on Monday in an exclusive statement.

The pair, who first met when Thicke was 14, have been married since 2005 and welcomed son Julian Fuego Thicke in April 2010.

Just like a trick who looks down and sees a rash on her coochie after boning Robin Thicke, we all saw this coming.

Well, I’m guessing that Paula realized that the whole “open” thing wasn’t really working out, because Robin was opening his fly to every trick and ho but her. And she woke up from whatever waking coma she was in and realized that she’s married to the “Blurred Lines” douche. And yes, we should all blame this on Miley.