Snooki Might Be Joining Snookitina In The Club For Knocked-Up Orange Ewoks

February 22, 2014 / Posted by:

Is there a company that makes spray tanner for babies? I have this feeling that if I were to invest in a baby spray tan company, I’ll be swimming in a Scrooge McDuck money pool in 9 months.

According to Page Six, sources are saying that Snooki smush-smushed her fiancé Jionni LaValle hard enough to put another baby in her, but she’s keeping things quiet in order to continue making “lucrative personal appearances”. I’d make a joke about the use of the word “lucrative”, but as long as Snooki is able to keep getting paid to show up at places looking like a Chick-O-Stick in an old Ariel wig from a Disneyland dumpster, I can’t throw shade.

Snooki hasn’t addressed the pregnancy rumor, either through Twitter or a creepy-looking magazine cover, so for now I’m choosing to take this news with several grains of salt around the rim of a margarita bucket. And my reason is this: Snooki is so small now, swallowing a chickpea would make her look 5 months pregnant. Unless this source (it’s the duck phone, right?) saw her piss on a Clear Blue, watched as a smiley face appeared in the window (or a frowny face if you bought the Clear Blue Shit I Hope Not test) and ran around fist-pumping the piss-stick in the air, she’s not actually pregnant. It’s not official until that piss-stick appears on Us Weekly.

(Pic: Wenn)

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