Memaws Everywhere Are Pouring Out An Ensure For Brooke Burke-Charvet Today

February 22, 2014 / Posted by:

If you have an oldie in your life who lives for Dancing With The Stars, I suggest you drop what you’re doing (your hangover nap will have to wait, goddamnit!) and get yourself over to their nursing home with a bag of Werthers and an Engelbert Humperdinck album, because they’re going to need some consoling after hearing the news that DWTS co-host Brooke Burke-Charvet has been fired. Call now and tell Memaw to put the kettle on so that a cup of hot water with a small lemon slice will be ready when you arrive.

In a statement released to E! Online, Brooke says that she can finally replace Nancy Grace’s nipple on the shelf where she stores surprises she never asked for, because her pink slip wasn’t really something she saw coming:

“I have enjoyed seven seasons co-hosting DWTS but understand the need for change considering the position of the show at this juncture. I’ve always been one to embrace change and looking forward to pursuing opportunities I previously wasn’t able to entertain because of contractual obligations to the show. I’ve seen my fair share of shocking eliminations in the ballroom but this one takes the cake.”

Brooke Burke-Charvet now joins Lisa Canning, Samantha Harris, and Drew Lachey in an old abandoned dance studio nicknamed “Tom Bergeron’s Cast-Off Hoes Clubhouse.” Currently, there’s no word on who will replace Brooke, but if your Memaw asks, just tell her you’re sure it will be someone like that nice girl with such a lovely figure she likes from TV.

Both ABC and DWTS haven’t said why Brooke was given the boot, so until they release a statement, I’m going to play it safe and assume she was stealing staplers and pens from the office supply cabinet. Brooke, how could you! I know it’s tempting, but stapler-theft is never worth losing your job over!

(Pic: ABC)

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