Ruh-Roh: Lamar Odom Says Some Alex Forrest-y Stuff About Khloe Kardashian

February 21, 2014 / Posted by:

It’s never a good sign when someone says something about their ex and my first instinct is to calmly walk to the pantry and open up a box of Molly…You In Danger, Girl (that should be a Girl Scout cookie) and email the contact information of a local locksmith to said ex with the subject line: “I dunno, probably not a big deal, but maybe time to change the locks, yes?”. But thanks to Us Weekly’s recent interview with Lamar Odom, the matter of my concern is the safety and well-being of a Kardashian. I know, never would I have thought. Up is down. Black is white. Big-assed trolls are intelligent and useful.

In an exclusive interview with Us Weekly after a Feb. 21 press conference for his new team, Baskonia (a.k.a. Laboral Kutxa), the basketball player said [Khloe] Kardashian would “always” be his wife, even if they divorce — which he’s hoping doesn’t happen.

“I love my wife. She’ll always be my wife, no matter what,” Odom, who filed for divorce in December after four years of marriage. “Who knows? We don’t know exactly if [the divorce is going through]. Only time will tell. I hope not. But even if we were divorced, she would always be my wife.”

I think maybe he thought he was being romantic, but “Always be my wife” is the sort of thing a murderer says in a movie while holding a knife above his sleeping victim. Can Us Weekly tell us more about the room in which this interview was conducted? Was the word FOREVER written on the wall in self tanner above a picture of Khloe? Like, I’m not saying she needs to pack up and move into witness protection (HA! Like a Kardashian would ever), but I am saying that it sounds like Lamar is one crackpipe smoked to a sad love song away from surprising his ex-wife with Rob in a pot of boiling water on the stove. He won’t be dead, of course – it’s scientifically impossible for boiling water to heat through that many layers of useless- but still, nobody wants to come home and find The Sock One hanging out in their kitchen.

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