In Super-Secret Wedding News, Kimora Lee Simmons Got Secret Married

What is it with super-secret weddings? They’re so hot right now! In the event you’re planning a wedding and you don’t know what’s trendy, just remember:

IN – Super-secret weddings!!!!

OUT – Giving your family and friends the heads-up that you’re getting married (ew, suh tacky)

The rest is all arbitrary: pick a cake, have an open bar to prevent your family from hating you forever, post a picture to Instagram and wait for the ‘likes’ to roll in. Or just skip the last part and let your ex-husband announce it on Twitter, like Kimora Lee Simmons did.

After reading a rumor online that Kimora was dating rapper and possible oil tycoon Birdman, Russell Simmons proved he has the heart of a yoga turtle and bravely cleared her good name (for real, read that super-embarrasing shit about Birdman’s oil company) on Twitter by letting everyone know she’s been off the market for a while:

All of us love @OfficialKimora but the fact is she is happily married. . Tim is has been family for a while now. #gossipcop….

— Russell Simmons (@UncleRUSH) February 19, 2014

I know, official RIP to Djimora Lee Simsou. As it turns out, shortly after their split, Kimora hooked up with investment banker Tim Leissner. Gareth from The Office face with an investment banker booty? You don’t say. You’ve got to hand it to Kimora; bitch takes a great mugshot and runs a tight gold digger game. Get it bitch! I hope your super-secret wedding also involved a super-secret pre-nup (Shhh…it doesn’t exist! Yaaaay). Congrats to you Kimora Lee Simmons Leissner! I’d say Mazel Tov, but it looks like this situation calls for a Clickety Clack.